Feminism Destroys

One day in 2020, when we lived in West Virginia, my Sunday afternoon was interrupted by a knock on the door. People didn’t come to our door very often, especially during the pandemic, so at first I assumed it was one of my boys. Called to the door by my son who had answered the door, I was greeted by an unfamiliar man holding a plastic bag. I immediately thought he must be a neighbor and I internally braced as I wondered, “Oh no, what have my kids done now?”

He was not a neighbor, at least not a close one, but rather an evangelist of sorts. My tension shifted to a different place in my brain. I attempted to be polite, but really didn’t want to hear his version of why I was going to hell, and why he had the truth I so desperately needed to hear. Thankfully he was not forceful and left quite readily after handing me several pamphlets. 

I always look at the pamphlets. Whether it is some form of perverse politeness or a desire to know what particular form of Christianity just stopped by my door, I’m not sure. But this particular day I found myself staring with shock at a cheaply made type-written pamphlet labeled “Feminism Destroys.” After a brief shocking introduction, it went on to list point by point, what feminism destroys and after an incredibly long list, concluded that feminism was none other than the work of the devil.

Part of me wanted to laugh, but there was anger boiling below the surface as well. I pondered this over the next day, and I realized that what angered me the most was not the blatant misinformation or the incredible claims. No, what angered me the most was that this blatantly bad theology that seemed so obnoxiously silly when written on paper, found an echo deep within. This theology underlined much of the culture I was raised in. Those messages my younger self absorbed were less blatant, more subtle and nuanced, but they were there. And it isn’t easy to turn those voices off. The teaching of anti-feminism was fed to me so effectively that it sunk deep into my bones and began to alter my very self. It’s a dangerous and effective strategy. Convince women that they are not deserving of the same rights as men and they will propagate your system of power for you. We began to think that we are not as smart, not as talented, not as good at leading. We began to believe that to choose anything other than the submissive role we have been handed by men is to abandon our femininity. We believe it so strongly that we began to perpetuate the myth of inequality to our own daughters. Much of the most disturbing teaching I received around womanhood was given to me by women—women who had found a way to reside comfortably within this system by reframing it all with pretty words and subtle nuanced language in what I can only assume is a very creative and effective attempt to hide the hurtful theology it was built upon. I actually admire the resilience and creativity that these attempts display, but I wish it had been used to dismantle rather than perpetuate the system.

My shift from anti-feminism to feminism happened so slowly over time, that it was a surprise when I suddenly realized that I was a feminist. Feminism was a dirty word when I was growing up. Even though my family of origin would not have approved of most of the arguments in this pamphlet, they did have a very negative view of the feminist movement. I realize now that some of this was due to misinformation about what the feminist movement was about. 

There were hints of that misinformation in this pamphlet as well. Even though the pamphlet starts out with fairly accurate dictionary definitions of feminism, such as “the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes,” it goes on to claim in many of its points that feminism aims to destroy masculinity and at the same time femininity. There is, of course, some truth to that statement. Many feminists, myself included, believe that masculinity and femininity are not diametrically opposed or as easily defined as conservative circles would have you believe them to be, and therefore do wish to deconstruct much of the conservative teaching on gender. What is not true is that feminism is ”anti-man,” even though that seems to be a faulty assumption that some people make. Equating feminists with “man-haters” is so prevalent in certain spheres of our culture that even staunch defenders of women’s rights will often shy away from the label of feminist. As an example, I once heard Dolly Parton react strongly against being called a feminist in an interview, saying that she could not be a feminist because she loved men and believed strongly in their value. Apparently some people believe that empowering women necessarily means belittling men. And this is simply not true.

And while I can perhaps dismiss the views of those who don’t support feminism based on these misunderstandings of what it actually is, I cannot so easily dismiss the powerful men who continue to espouse anti-feminist views based on a very real understanding of its intention and power—people like Doug Wilson, whose support of “household voting” indicates his willingness to disenfranchise women voters. If you start googling this, you might find yourself, like I did, down a deep rabbit hole lined with staunch supporters of “biblical patriarchy,” including key people in our current government who support these ideas. I believe these men have recognized exactly what feminism is and the threat it represents to power structures that they benefit from. Because the truth is that feminism DOES destroy. It destroys patriarchal structures that give power to those who benefit from the servitude of women. It breaks down systems that protect those who abuse and hurt women and it empowers those who have long been told their value is defined only by the men they are in relationship with.